#UnapologeticallyMe series: Part 5- The Holiday Season

Tis the season to be unapologetic

Christmas is ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. Or is it?

It’s a terrible time for those who struggle financially, physically or emotionally. Until you experience such things, this may be your only insight. Please be kind to others as you don’t know their struggles.

Financial difficulties- It is expected that people will go all out by buying gifts and celebrating in style. For those who barely make ends meet during the rest of the year, living up to this is very tough.

My advice would be:

1. Be honest about what you can afford, as then others are less likely to guilt or pressure you. On the other side of that is not making fun of anyone’s circumstances.
2. Remember that Christmas is not really about gifts but human connection. Try to spend the day with friends and family and have a good time together.
3. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for assistance. This can be help from family or getting the essentials via charities and foodbanks. Again, never make fun of anyone who needs these services.

Physical difficulties- When you’re physically limited, getting through day to day life takes enormous fortitude. Pain, illness and the insensitivity of others makes the holidays especially difficult. Being left out due to your issues is yet worse.

Advice:

1. Be open about your limitations so that people are aware of them and can make it possible for you to participate if you wish. The other side of this is being approachable and willing to include people and compromise.
2. Take breaks and don’t feel ashamed. It is far better to take a break to then join again later than to force yourself and burn out or to avoid it entirely. The other side of this is not to make anyone feel bad for the things they need.
3. Ultimately, friends and family will appreciate you being there to celebrate with them. Remember the time is about connection with others.
4. Get advice from professionals on how to manage your condition and what can help you.

Emotional difficulties 1- When it seems everyone is surrounded by loved ones, Christmas can be very difficult for those who are bereaved or estranged from family. The connection to others is not there and it can be a painful time.

Advice:

1. Seek help to cope with how you are feeling. Don’t be ashamed of this. It will help you in the long run. Try to stick with your treatment during the holidays.
2. Self love and self care are key. You need to be kind to yourself at difficult times. Be patient and don’t feel bad about how you feel or behave. Bereavement and estrangement are tough to cope with, but with the right support you’re likely to recover eventually. You should especially avoid blaming yourself for death or estrangement and feeling bad over how long you’ve been affected. Take time to relax and do the things you enjoy as well as what is necessary.
3. Try to celebrate with those you still have around you. Be honest about how you’re feeling to make things easier for yourself.

Emotional difficulties 2- Mental health issues are difficult to cope with day to day, but the expectations and traditions associated with the holiday season can be particularly problematic. A low mood and anxiety can hamper you in connecting with others and enjoying the time and difficulties around food are amplified by the abundance of it at Christmas time. Addictions can also be difficult to control when everyone else seems to be letting loose.

Advice:

1. Seek advice and treatment. Read up on your condition and encourage others to do the same so they can help you. Try your best to keep to your treatment plan during the holidays.
2. Be kind to yourself and honest about your limitations in order to make the day possible for you. This can include making and changing plans, taking breaks and avoiding certain situations.
3. Know that you are loved and your presence is appreciated. You don’t owe anyone anything and have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed.

I’m sure you can see that the main theme is don’t avoid the holidays but come up with ways to make it possible for you to participate to the extent you wish to, and be Unapologetic about it.

You have no reason to feel shame over the situation you’re in right now, and shouldn’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. Equally, everybody should be as understanding of the needs of others as possible.

If you find yourself struggling there’s again no shame in reaching out for advice and crisis support.

If no-one else has said it recently, you’re amazing and loved. I want you to stay alive and one day be in a better situation.

Until next time, stay unapologetic!